Inside: If you’re a new parent, you need this FREE printable with rules for newborn visitors. Hang it on your hospital door or front door to prep visitors with some basic etiquette they might not know exists. And if you’re the visitor? Be sure to follow these rules! New parents will thank you.
Bringing home a new baby is obviously an unforgettable memory for new parents.
You’ll always remember what outfit the baby wore, and how you felt when you strapped them into the carseat for the first time.
I remember feeling a sense of victory when we finally arrived at home, just the three of us. She’s all mine, I thought. No more hospital staff waking us up all night; we could finally relax.
(Narrator: “But in reality, they would not relax, nor sleep, for quite some time…”)
Being in our own space was certainly a relief, though. We had at least a few days of sweet solitude where we adapted to the baby’s schedule and momentarily pretended like the outside world didn’t exist.
But then, the well-meaning, gift-toting, joyous visitors started pouring in. And honestly, we were pretty fortunate to have courteous visitors, for the most part.
But there were a few that didn’t seem to understand baby visiting etiquette. The visits were long. The help wasn’t offered.
And it was rough.
Related: Minimalist Baby Essentials – The Bare Minimum You Need for Baby
12 Rules for Visiting Newborns (For the Sake of New Parents)
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I realized that before I had a newborn of my own, I may have made some of those same mistakes, too.
So in this post, we’re going to clearly lay out the rules for newborn visitors, along with a printable list for sharing.
Whether you’re visiting a new baby or being visited upon – these guidelines are for you.
They’re designed to keep babies happy and healthy, and to preserve the sanity of new parents everywhere.
1. Schedule your visit.
New, bleary-eyed parents deserve to know when company is coming. It’s likely that even your great-grandma has a cell phone these days.
So I think it’s totally appropriate to encourage texting as a preferred way to schedule a visit, though a phone call should be the bare minimum.
Guests should also clarify the best time of day or a specific time they should drop by.
Also: Many parents decide they want to keep visits to just close family for the first few months. You can decide what’s best for you, and decline visits for as long as you need to.
2. Text when you arrive.
Texting is a really nice way to give parents a few seconds to collect themselves before answering the door. Because even when you’ve scheduled the visit – postpartum brain fog is real.
It also discourages guests from ringing the doorbell and waking the baby.
3. Please limit your visit.
I wish I had expressed better boundaries, especially when my oldest child was born. I just didn’t realize how important they were until it was too late.
There is NOTHING wrong with telling visitors ahead of time that you need to limit the visit to a certain timeframe, especially if you know they won’t get the hint otherwise.
This happened to me when I had a newborn nursling. While I struggled to breastfeed the baby with an audience, stay awake and make conversation, a visiting family stayed right through lunchtime (for 4 hours, actually). I felt obligated to offer them lunch – when all I wanted to do was sleep.
Boundaries, mama! You can do it (much better than I did).
For everyone else who does pick up on social cues, you can let them know when you plan to put the baby (or yourself) down for a nap, and follow through. People who are reasonable and kind will always understand when it’s time to exit.
Related: Overbearing Grandparent? How to Maintain Relationship (On Your Terms)
4. Wash your hands.
When guests arrive, it’s always a good idea to ask them to wash their hands before coming near the baby. If you make it a blanket rule, no one should feel singled out.
It’s just common sense to wash your hands before touching a newborn, or even coming near them. They have underdeveloped immune systems, making them much more susceptible to illness than everyone else.
And on that note…
5. Don’t kiss the baby!
This has become a pretty well-known “rule” in recent years to prevent viruses such as RSV. But it’s so tempting; we get it!
I actually remember breaking this rule when I was a young adult visiting a friend one time. This was long before the year 2020, of course, but it was no excuse for a lapse in judgment (to the effect that I still remember and regret it!).
Even a quick peck on the head or worse, the hands, can spread dangerous germs we don’t even know we’re carrying. So it’s best to restrain that motherly instinct and simply keep those lips away from the tiny human.
6. If you’re sick, please reschedule.
A general rule of thumb most people follow is to wait at least a few days until after ALL symptoms have cleared before visiting anyone, let alone a newborn.
The more serious the illness, the longer you should wait. I think it’s totally fine to question your guests about any sicknesses they’ve had recently, when they schedule their visit.
If you have any concerns at all, ask them to wait another week or two. We all know how viruses can linger in families, and there’s no point in risking your baby’s health.
7. Ask before holding the baby.
Some people just assume it’s ok to pick up and hold the newborn when they visit, but it’s not always the case.
They don’t know if it’s time for the baby to eat, or whether you’re really comfortable with them holding the baby.
Just because someone is visiting, doesn’t mean they necessarily need to hold the baby. As the parent, you’re in charge.
(This is especially important when other children are visiting.)
Setting the expectation of “please ask before touching” is a reasonable standard to set with fragile newborns.
8. No pets, please.
I’m not sure why, but it’s become normal for people to bring their animals to other people’s houses when they come to visit.
But guests will need to understand that a new baby changes things.
My honest opinion is that it’s really best to keep pets away from newborns. They can be unpredictable, nervous, and even jealous of all the attention a new baby receives.
Also, for the same reasons as numbers 4 through 6 above: germs.
It’s best that pets stay home when their humans come to visit, at least until the baby is older and you are comfortable with it.
Bottom line is, you get to decide who is allowed to be near your baby – humans and furry friends alike.
9. No smoking, indoors or out.
I feel like this should be an obvious point, but even smoking outdoors should be banned while visiting your newborn.
The reality is, if your guest smokes, they probably won’t visit if they can’t smoke outside. But honestly, it’s best for your baby to not be touched by anyone who has been smoking.
The problem is that nicotine is absorbed into the smoker’s skin and clothing, and when they contact the baby’s skin or clothing, they are affected by the nicotine, too.
10. Please respect our need for privacy.
This one’s especially for moms who are breastfeeding, but it applies to any new moms. Let visitors know you may need to step away to feed the baby or take care of other needs.
(You know, all the fun postpartum stuff that your visitors are NOT considering.).
Some guests can get really offended by this, for reasons I’ll never understand. But for new breastfeeding moms, it can be super stressful to attempt to nurse in front of visitors.
Of course, if you are comfortable breastfeeding right where you are – just give your guests a heads up. And don’t be surprised if that helps to curb those lingering visitors.
11. Ask before sharing baby photos.
Not all parents are cool with having their child’s photos passed around social media these days. Digital privacy is a must in many families for various reasons.
Parents, it’s best to communicate your preferences with friends and family before they start their impromptu photo shoot.
12. Hold the (unsolicited) advice.
Unless asked, new moms usually prefer for guests to hold off on allll the tips and tricks and must-dos of motherhood.
When you have a newborn, your brain is just tired. Your body is definitely tired.
You may not be able to follow the steps to make mac-and-cheese, much less take in a lesson on how to “sleep when the baby sleeps”.
There will be time for soaking in words of wisdom, but that time is not the present. Feel free to change the subject, mama.
(Note: maybe ask questions, instead? But take your cues from the parents – if they look awkward, change the subject.)
Rules for Newborn Visitors: Free Printable List
Click the image above and you’ll find a free download of these 12 Rules for Newborn Visitors. Save it and send it to your family, or post it on your front door!
By defining some clear boundaries, you can eliminate so many issues before they happen. Don’t be afraid to be firm and advocate for yourself and your newest little bundle.
And by the way, if anyone asks- the 13th Rule is: Bring Mama Some Food!
(Just kidding…almost.)
Read Next: How to Survive Your First Few Weeks with a Newborn
Owner of Growing Serendipity, June could talk to you all day about homeschooling, parenting, and minimalism, which she does at This Simple Balance. When she’s not homeschooling, decluttering, or blogging, she loves to enjoy perfect silence while sipping a hot cup of coffee and thinking uninterrupted thoughts—which, of course, with five kids, doesn’t happen very often.